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`Raiders of the Lost Car Park' - Robert Rankin: Doubleday, 14.99 pounds
THE PLOT of Robert Rankin's latest fantasy is simple enough: Cornelius, the gangly youth and illegitimate son of guru's guru Hugo Rune, needs to re-invent the ocarina in order to play the notes necessary to enter the Forbidden Zones and snatch enough booty to pay off his debts and then some. By the time he arrives there, however, Prince Charles has fallen in love with an ex-policewoman, and the Queen has been kidnapped during a live television transmission (which includes a concert, direct from Brentford, by a group called Gandhi's Hairdryer); a police inspector named Hovis has had several life-and-death struggles with large green thingies summoned up by an evil king; and a number of people, including a randy midget named Tuppe, indulge in a form of sexual deviation which is not described in detail but is referred to only as "taking tea with the parson". Oh, and a good deal of gratuitous abuse is heaped upon anyone named Colin.
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